I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the grade curve that gives you an 'F'! I am DarkWing Duck!

I am the auditor who wants to look at your books
I am the batteries that aren't included
I am the blown fuse that blacks you out
I am the bubble gum that sticks in your hair
I am the bubble gum that sticks to your shoe
I am the burned out bulb you can not reach
I am the butter that burns in your pan
I am the cat that should be let out of the bag
I am the check that overdraws your account
I am the check writer in the cash only lane
I am the chill that runs up your spine
I am the clock cleaner who will ring your chimes
I am the cloud that rains on your hit parade
I am the cold sore that stings your lips
I am the combination lock on the vault of justice
I am the current of vengeance gurgling through your sewer
I am the editor that cuts your scene
I am the editor that leaves you on the cutting room floor
I am the fast food that comes back to haunt you
I am the feathery phantom that haunts your nightmares
I am the fingernail that scrapes the chalkboard of your soul
I am the flea you cannot flick
I am the ghost of a chance that you don't have
I am the hairball that clogs your drain
I am the hair in the lens of your projector
I am the ham radio operator that scrambles your reception
I am the headache in the criminal mind
I am the Heimlich maneuver for the choking victims of crime
I am the hero that every culture needs
I am the icky bug that crawls up your trouser leg
I am the ingrown toenail in your paddy pumps
I am the ingrown toenail on the foot of crime
I am the itch you can not reach
I am the jackal that knaws at your bones
I am the jailer who throws away the key
I am the limestone that petrifies your bones
I am the little mouse that eats your cheese
I am the lollipop that sticks in your hair
I am the low point in your sine wave
I am the low rating that cancels your program
I am the metal key on the sardine can of justice
I am the meter on the taxicab of justice
I am the moth that seeks your porch light
I am the muddy shoes that track the linoleum of crime
I am the neurosis that requires a $500 an hour shrink
I am the number ninety sunblock that'll stop your burn
I am the onion that stings in your eyes
I am the original Mr. Fix-it
I am the paper cut that ruins your morning
I am the parking meter that expires while you shop
I am the pebble in the shoe of ignominy
I am the pencil that breaks from signing too many autographs
I am the pimple that forms before a really big date
I am the pin that will burst your bubble
I am the pitbull that bites the ankle of crime
I am the plot twist in the second reel
I am the principal you are sent to see
I am the pustulus blister that bursts in your boot
I am the quality time that ruins your play time
I am the raspberry seed you can't floss out
I am the repairman who tells you your warranty just ran out
I am the rhinestones on the jump suit of justice
I am the rust in the pipes of crime
I am the sandtrap on the fairway of evil
I am the schnauzer that digs up your petunias
I am the scrubbing bubble to criminal scum
I am the single career man all women want to date
I am the slug that slimes your begonias
I am the smoke that smokes smoked oysters
I am the soap scum that lines your bathtub
I am the special news bulletin that interrupts your favorite show
I am the spinach that sticks in your teeth
I am the squeaky stair that gives away your presence
I am the squashed bug on your flying saucer windshield
I am the stain that can't be rubbed out
I am the substantial and inescapable penalty for early withdrawal
I am the super nova at the center of the universe
I am the surprise in your cereal box
I am the switch that derails your train
I am the $10 service charge on all returned checks
I am the termite that devours your floor boards
I am the thing that goes bump in the night
I am the tube of cadmium yellow that's impossible to open
I am the water balloon that lands right on your head
I am the weedwhacker in the garden of evil
I am the weirdo that sits next to you on the bus
I am the widget missing from the easy to assemble swingset
I am the winged scourge that pecks at your nightmares
I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3:00 a.m.
I am the zit that forms when you got a really big date